Tania's Words

here is an empty shell- a resonant shadow- waiting

On Blogging

It has been a while now that I have contemplated whether or not to restart the old ball and chain I so fondly called my blog. A part of me has long thunk, eh, why bother? My blog rarely served as anything more than public therapy at best, and/or a detailed recounting of the daily minutiae I like to call life, at worst. Not the stuff of greatness.I really made few new connections as a result, and I doubt that anyone who read it really got much from it (other than a chuckle or two at my expense). A good friend of mine recently wrote a three part series surrounding her desire to get back to a more creative life.  Her words really had an impact on my whole  start-the-blog-up thought process. The more I digested what Emily had offered, the more I realized how much more or less I could do with my blog.  I could keep blogging the way I had for years- recounting my day, the things that aggravated me that day (and there are many), the small victories.  I’m not sure there is necessarily anything wrong with that, and to be honest, with a new baby at home and a thriving marriage I want to keep tending too, I must ask myself if I really have time for much more. Some days, I am so tired from the non stop cycle of 4 am feedings and constant baby-talk that I have little to no brain power left.  And I can’t speak for anyone else, but at least I have always enjoyed my blog.  Is that enough though?

I guess it all has to do with intent. And desire. Do I want to be just another of the millions of random bloggers out there who think that their word counts for something? Does it count for something just by being? Or does it count when I make it count, when I come to the table with something to offer?

Big questions, I know. Well maybe not for you. Depends on who you are. If you are anything like me- insecure, doubt ridden, and paralyzed by a fear of failure that keeps you from ever reaching as high as that highest bar (just in case you might come short of actually reaching it), then you probably understand what I mean when I say, I just don’t know. I don’t know if I have something to offer that anyone else will want to read. I don’t know if I can inspire, educate, interest others.  But I do know that the last four years have been marked by such an intense fear of failure, that I have just stopped reaching.

The truth is, this blog could very well be just a reinvention of the old.  But for the first time in years, I’d like to try. I’d like to take a chance at failure- how else could I be giving myself a chance at greatness.

Now, now, calm down. I realize that a simple blog is hardly the realistic forum for greatness.  But I am not.  Hopefully taking one step will lead to another and then more. Hopefully this is the first step in realizing so many goals I have talked myself out of- finishing that first book, writing more poetry again, going back to school, becoming more active in my community- so many things.

It is interesting how the details of our life are so interconnected. The first blog I ever had was inspired not only by self-doubt and insecurity, but by a few girls who, in the time since, I have greatly come to admire and respect. So thanks Emily, Roz and Lorraine. It seems as though somethings remain the same.

1 Comment»

  Emily Stoddard Furrow wrote @

Oh Ta-nee-a, I’m practically giddy that you are blogging again! You bring up such meaningful questions, too… I don’t know if this is really a response, but I can’t help but find the more self-conscious bloggers more appealing. Not to encourage you to keep thinking in terms of failure or self-doubt, that is… I just think sometimes being hesitant can be fertile ground for greater intention. And it makes the process more authentic — you’re starting this blog only with the hope of doing something that matters to you, unlike so many other bloggers who have different, more self-promotional ambitions.

I can’t wait to read what you share, and you should know that there are so many additional networking opportunities as a mom who blogs! I’m always impressed by the women who are taking care of families but still make time to connect with peers and share their experiences. You should check out twittermoms.com for sure–it would be a great start if you want to connect with other moms on your blog and on Twitter.

Much lub!

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