Tania's Words

here is an empty shell- a resonant shadow- waiting

Archive for December, 2010

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I love the holidays. It isn’t a secret. I love the family get togethers, the decorations and good food. I love the snow and the joy in the air, Christmas music and searching for the perfect present to give to someone I love.  Every year on my birthday, I break out the boxes from the “Christmas Closet” and decorate the house, put up the tree. Christmas music starts playing in November, and I love all sorts of Christmas and spice scented candles burning.

Everyone who is a Christmaphile (yeah I made that up), has a go to Christmas CD that they love above all others- and I am no exception. I remember as a kid, my mom putting on Amy Grant’s “Home for Christmas”, every year without fail. Our house was a showcase come Christmas, full of homemade wreaths and garlands, and the smells of my mothers amazing baking filling the house.  As a teenager, I experienced plenty of tumult and unhappiness at home, but for some reason, Christmas was inexplicably a magical time. A pause in the normal routine of our lives. I always, always, remember Christmas as a happy and peaceful time. My mom and I worked on making decorations together, and the house was full of music.

Growing up, there were plenty of things I wanted, but more than anything, I wanted a family. A big extended family, grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles. Growing up overseas, it was always just the four of us. Even when we moved to the States, things were different, and we had no family close by enough for the sort of family gatherings I always longed for.  I love my husband, so much- I often joke that I love him just for his family (it  isn’t true, although it was an awesome package to get with an already wonderful man). Marriage is a gift in so many ways, and I have been so blessed to be gifted with an amazing family, new sisters and brothers, grandparents and parents to love. After my father passed, and Tio John and Abuela, I felt very alone. For so long it was the four of us- Pilar, Mom, Dad, and I. Losing a part of that- it broke everything apart.

But now, I have old family and new. And best of all, my new family. Children to love and a husband to cherish. And, traditions to continue. I want my kids to grow up remembering Christmas, the smells and songs, and feel happy, content. To think of that special breakfast Mom always made on Christmas morning, or the pinecone wreath she hung every year, despite the fact that it kept on losing pine cones, because she remembered making it with her Mother one Christmas.

I fall off the wagon, I get on…

Oh the circle of life. How it turns.

Ok so that makes no sense, but hey, Parker and I watched the Lion King (again) this morning, so I have it on the brain. Now we are watching Finding Nemo. Poor guy inherited my immune system. Which is to say he got nothing good. Thank goodness he got the de Sostoa hair, or I’d be feeling pretty guilt, especially as he’s coughing up a little lung right now.

So, I am back. Morning sickness is over, NaNo has been defeated yet again. I made it in the nick of time- I was only 4,000 words short at about November 21st, and then for some reason I stopped writing and just…stopped. It might have had something to do with the death cold I’d contracted, but details, shetails. Finally, November 29th, I camped on Maura’s couch, cementing my bony butt into her cushions,  and declared I would not leave until I was done. Unfortunately, her family expired before I got to the goal, and at 9pm, I left, with only 500 words to go. Motivation being my middle name by this point, I settled on my own couch and made it work (A la Tim Gunn, of course).

I won’t pretend this book is anything as good as I’d hoped, or even really somewhat like my vision going in, but that is what NaNo does to you. It makes a mockery of all your carefully laid plans, spits on your hopes and dreams; and just at the moment when you are curled in the fetal position, quivering and crying for your mother, shows you the light. Did that make any sense?

Ok, it is obvious NaNo has sucked the life and intelligence out of me at this point. I am mostly here to update you all, get back into the swing of blogging, and talk about the future.

I’d intended to keep track of all the books I read this year…which I did for about half the year. I have no idea when I stopped really, so I can’t even guess what I am missing. Which is a good thing, actually, since I haven’t read a single thing of substance in months. I don’t know why, but I guess I just decided to read easy stuff and skate along for a while. I never read Dangerous Liasons, and now I really would like to get that done, if only that, by the end of the year.

I’d like to set a timetable for editing and querying for the first book, and get back to reading SRP books with Maura. I think those will be on my mind for next year. I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions, as a rule, but I would like to start the year with a plan. Of course, several things will be getting in the way of that plan….Relay for Life, having a baby. You know, the usual.  For now, other than reading Dangerous Liasons, my number one task is to pick a name for little baby boy. Any suggestions?