Tania's Words

here is an empty shell- a resonant shadow- waiting

Archive for Everyday

It’s raining lemons!

As that hectic shiny newness of the New Year glamour begins to ease into the day-to -ay of 2015, it’s time for me to evaluate where I am, and maybe figure out how to decompress from an incredibly stressful December and an inauspicious start to the year.

Hint: Don’t injure your back the day before New Year holiday insanity starts. It’s just awful.

I’m home after a crazy weird night in the hospital, after a painful and frustrating week without answers mostly spend on the floor trying not to cry. I came home with a plan for wellness, a diagnosis (which is helpful, ya know, for treatment!), and a delayed resolution, since I was too distracted on New Years to resolve more than “don’t cry right now”.

I actually don’t do resolutions — at least not in the traditional sense. I’ve always felt like New Years is really just a day like any other. That change and promises start in our hearts, and that any moment in our lives is the best moment for them. But the New Year does signify a marker, a setting off point for so many, so I get it.

Mostly, it’s a day for me to consciously check in. Have I been the person I want to be the last year? This for me is a time to look inside, say, “hey self, you did your best, you’re doing your best.” A time to remember that I’m a constantly working, loving, flawed person trying their very hardest.

Sometimes you just need a little self love with a reminder that you are a work in progress, and that you have present and diligent in order to work for that progress. It’s so easy to slip, and to forget, and to get caught up in the day to day. It can be months before something in my life trips me long enough for me to sit down, evaluate my life and my actions and bring back into focus the ideals of who I want to be and how I want to live and love.

I feel like the last month and a bit was an exercise in dodging lemons being hurtled at me from somewhere (fruity clouds? the universe?). Well, now that I can walk around a bit more, and that I hope the weeks ahead hold some more calm, I’m ready. I’m so ready to pull myself out of this anxious, negative whirlwind and attitude and refocus.

I’ve got a large pitcher, I’ve got a fruit masher, I’ve got some sugar…time to make some lemonade!

A new title and a small trip

This blog is long over due. Of course, I meant to blog. I promise, it’s not you, it’s me.

Thankfully, I am back! I am hopeful that in the coming week I’ll have more energy- lack of has been the culprit behind my blog absence.  I’ve only worked on the MS once this week as well. However, a visit with my endocrinologist yesterday led to an increase in my Synthroid dosage, as well as the promise that I should be a bit more energetic in a week or two. There is no explaining how tired I get when my thyroid levels are off.

In more exciting news, I may have found the title to my book! I know we all call it The Beach House, but that is and has always been a working title. A) I’ve hated it from the start and B) there are tons of books out there by that name already.  I am still deciding if I like the new title. An informal poll (I asked two girlfriends who have read the book), resulted in an even split. One liked it, the other didn’t get it. Still unsure, but on the right track. I can feel it!

Other happenings; Amie Borst is having another awesome contest! If you haven’t already been assaulted by my tweets, facebook updates, or general shenanigans, this is the scoop- multiple prizes, including books and Oreo cookies. But most importantly, I could win a first chapter critique and a query critique.  Heck to the ya peeps! As I’ve mentioned before, I love Amie’s blog, and recommend that you all add her to your blog rolls, follow her, general hero worship type stuff. If you haven’t listened to my advice (and really, why haven’t you? I give good advice. And I swear, those pants don’t make your ass look fat), then please do! Go on over, admire how awesome her blog is, and leave a comment (and maybe while you are there, you can mention that I sent you). Thanks!

Last in my list of news, tomorrow I am going up to the family cottage with hubby, sis-in-law, and my two adorable nieces! I am very excited. I foresee lots of sunshine, good food, and being slaughtered multiple times at phase ten.  There is no place like the cottage for a little rest, relaxation, and family game time. I am hoping to get some editing done, or at least read some more of East Of Eden, which I have been enjoying slowly for the past week or so. I’ve been so utterly exhausted, I don’t even want to read. This is rather drastic people; at least in my world.

Perhaps when I come back, I’ll even have something profound to share.  A few days at the cottage several years ago led me to write one of my favorite poems of all time. I feel very connected and in tune when I am there. It is quiet and peaceful, the air is still and filled with the sounds of the loons and trees.  Unplugged and focused on family and rest, fun and relaxation, everything has a sort of different perspective. We shall see what happens this time.

The one with no higher meaning

I seem to have a blogging problem. It used to be, I’d blog about anything. Sometimes it made no sense, sometimes it was kind of funny or quirky, and sometimes, I actually had something to say. I don’t know if it is increased blog pressure, or what, but for some reason I feel as though this new blog deserves better. Which is kind of sad, because I loved my old blog. It was totally me, very rarely filtered. I don’t know how many people who were reading it were actually enjoying it, but hey, what can you do?

Well, to recap this weekend, I….wait a minute I don’t remember.

Sigh…ok this happens all the time. I literally have no clue what I did the day before half the time. Is that insanity? Old age?

I do remember that Saturday was one of those crazy days where I was running around like a mad beast trying to get stuff done, including going to Sams Club with Pilar, Paige and Parker. The whole day is a blur of missed meals and headachyness, other than the driving from Farmington, to Canton, to West Bloomfield (to take care of my mom’s dog, Mattie),  to Mt. Clemens,  for an awesome Arbonne workshop, then back to Canton (by now with a horrible migraine) to pick up Parker, then finally back to Farmington. Holy Moses did I drive that day.

But, I did have an amazing and fun time at the Arbonne workshop (not party, as our consultant Michael made sure to stress). I had enough fun with the makeup that I am having a “Smokey Eye” workshop of my own. Ever wanted to learn to do a smokey eye? Come on over!

Really the worst part of the day was the migraine I got when I left the party. Seriously, absolutely one of the worst headaches I have ever had. I couldn’t walk straight, see, I could barely talk. Dan asked me if I’d been drinking when  I got home (I hadn’t), because I was so out of it.

Thankfully, this too did pass. Other highlights of the weekend (for some reason, I still think this is the weekend, owing to the fact that Dan has today off), included working out a lot, losing a few pounds this week (so that I may KILL at our friendly Biggest Loser weigh in on Friday), and finally, Ta Ta Daaaaaa! Finishing Mansfield Park. Now all I have left is Emma and Northanger Abbey, and the unfinished stuff. But for now I should probably read The Red Tent, since TBC is next week.

Ha! How is that for a useless and random blog! No higher meaning! No real purpose! I go. I hope you aren’t asleep.