Tania's Words

here is an empty shell- a resonant shadow- waiting

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25 things you may or may not know about me.

I saw that Holly had posted a note on facebook with this in it- I liked it. You are to list any 25  about yourself that you want. I found that the more I listed, the more I really thought about where I am in my life and how I have gotten here.  25 sounds like an easy #, but I found myself struggling by about #15.

1- Despite the fact that I think purple is a little girl’s colour, it is my favourite colour. I find this slightly embarrassing.

2- I am a cat person. When I was little and we lived in Mexico City, my mother bred Persian cats. At any given time our house had as many as 16 cats and kittens running around.

3- I am afraid of dogs unless a) they are tiny and b) they don’t jump up on you (such as a chow, which doesn’t have knees and therefore stays comfortably on its feet most of the time.)  No matter how much Dan begs for a lab, I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with getting one.

4- My heroes include Martin Luther Kind Jr. , Abraham Lincoln, Sharon Olds, and my father.  Don’t worry, there are more.  Those just came to mind first.

5- It really irks me when people use religion to judge others.  I’ve seen more judgment coming from professed Christians than anyone else.  I was taught that Jesus wants me to have compassion and understanding, and that it is God’s job to pass judgments because only he can know the true heart of a man.

6- I’ve allowed three people in my life to undermine my confidence and self esteem.

7- If I could do anything at all with my life I would a) become a professional student and b) join the peace corps.

8- I don’t smoke. I’ve lost my father, grandmother and uncle to lung cancer in the last three years. I don’t think it is ever too late to quit and spare your family. Helping a family member through lung cancer is truly awful.

9- I believe that I’ve mad a lot of big mistakes in my life, and despite my desire not to make any more, I realize I will. I think everyone makes mistakes big and small, and the most important thing we can do is to learn from them, and forgive ourselves.

10- I was told that I didn’t make a good middle school teacher because my expectations for how students should behave were too high. I was praised for being a good middle school teacher because my expectations for what they could learn were very high. I am still puzzled by this.

11- I hate unloading the dishwasher. I will do anything within my power to avoid it. I will even wash an entire load of dishes by hand in order to avoid the dishwasher.

12- My toes are extraordinarily long. My second toe (which is longer than my big toe) is as long as my pinky. I have trouble finding shoes that fit due to my toes. Complete strangers have remarked on how long my toes are before.

13- I am watching the inaugural festivities as I type this.  I’ll probably cry about four times today. I am inspired and awed by the changes I see taking place. When I was studying for my history degree, I read a study about how when we examine the US from a global perspective, it is considered one of the more deeply divided countries when considering race.  Anyone who doesn’t think that what is taking place today is a huge historical moment needs to study some American History a little more.

14- my darling son, Parker, is currently fighting his nap. I’ve had to stop typing three times already to get his pacifier which he keeps spitting out because he knows it will make him sleepy.

15- My favourite CD of all time is The Ugly Organ, by Cursive. It isn’t for everyone.  In my humble opinion, it is a masterpiece of song writing and music. It won’t play in my car though, and I don’t know why.

16- I often wish I was taller, or smaller. If I was a few inches shorter, it might be kind of cute. I’d fit in your pocket. If I were taller I’d be able to reach things on top shelves at work. Climbing things to reach some mustard when you are 35lbs over weight isn’t graceful.

17- I tried very hard not to gain too much weight when I was pregnant, but failed miserably. Pregnancy was not my favourite thing. I’m not sure I would do it again. If I have the desire later for more children, I think I might want to convince Dan to adopt.

18- I cannot wait to get back to the gym and continue my Couch to 5K workout. I’ve been looking forward to it since Thursday.

19- I cannot wait to go back to Mexico for some vacation. It might take a few years, but I am determined that I will get there. I will. I will get Sandy there too. I might have to adjust my five year plan (or whatever it was.)

20- I do not like talking on the phone. It makes me sleepy.  So does driving in inclement weather and bright sunshine.  I love talking face to face, and I love the internet, but the phone is not my thing.

21- I’ve worked in food service in one capacity or another since I was 17. I know how to do almost any job at Max and Erma’s. I loved being the office manager because that job required a lot of problem solving and presented new and changing challenges all the time.

22- I am a pansy. I hate confrontation. I don’t like telling people when they have upset me. I will probably talk about something you’ve done to make me mad with friends behind your back before I will approach you. I know this is awful, and I swear I am trying to change.

23- I was born in Brasil. My father was born in Michigan but was raised in Venezuela. Somehow, his being raised in Venezuela qualifies me as hispanic, but my being born in Brasil does not.  I think that no matter what some matrix tells you, you are what you feel in your heart.

24- I am incredibly hard on myself. I was raised in a house with extremely high expectations, and I have carried those into adulthood with me. By my own standards, I am a huge failure and disappointment. It is so hard for me to overcome this feeling of failure in order to move on and succeed (according to my standards of success).

25- The hardest thing I have ever done is tell my father that he was dying and we were no longer chosing to continue treatment, and hearing him tell me that I was killing his hope.  I was with my father when he asked that we not continue treatment if it no longer going to help so that he could have some quality of life before death.  At the moment when the Dr. told us it was over, I felt as though I had betrayed my whole family by standing firm when they wanted to try any other treatment they could find.  I sometimes wonder if that is the last memory he has of me.