Tania's Words

here is an empty shell- a resonant shadow- waiting

Archive for library

The Most Depressing Reading Spree Yet.

Apparently this blog is going to be about books. A book blog. Because it seems that reading is all I ever do. Well not really. There is my obsession with Lost, taking care of Parker, and the house.  I’ll admit, though, that the house is the most sadly neglected aspect of my life. I am a terrible housewife. Really terrible.

Moving on to things that cheer me up, lets talk about what I’ve been up to lately. Let’s see. I have been under the thrall of a death cold which will not release me. Maybe it’s been two colds. Who knows by now? I’ve been sick for about four weeks, which is just a barrel of laughs.

Wait, this is supposed to be cheering me up. Ok, happy thoughts. Well, after I finished The Great Gatsby, I read A Farwell to Arms.  I had read pretty much the whole book a week ago, barring the last 30 pages. However, since I knew how it ended (yes, for those of you who don’t know, I read the end of most books first. I like knowing what is going to happen), I couldn’t bring myself to read the end. I already knew what happened right? But it was so much worse in context of the whole book. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the book. I really like Hemingway.  As someone who has been a history dork in a past life, I really appreciated his candid description of the war (WW1). There is something very simple and dry about his style of prose which belies what he is really saying. The whole book you have soldiers talking about how tired of the war they are, how they are done with it already, telling each other, “You think you know, but you don’t yet. You’ll know when you really know, ” The whole book is kind of like this- men saying something without saying it. There is a subtle subtext to all of the conversations, all of the interactions, that really make the reader think.

You realize by the end of the book, that it really adds up to nothing. Henry’s realization that he is really nothing important- in the end his relationship with Cat, his status as a lieutenant, all the men lost in the war, the war its self…it is as if it is nothing really. The meaninglessness of the situation, the war, his life. The scene in the end when he is remembering  the ants on the log- it is really moving in this way.  He is so detached from what he sees happening, as if he is a God like figure, but one who doesn’t really care or isn’t very invested. It doesn’t matter if the ants live or die in the end. He could take them out of the fire, but eventually, they will die anyway. It is almost as if their existence is meaningless. It doesn’t matter that he kills them, none of it really matters at all in the end. But as much as it doesn’t, and as detached as he is from it all, underneath the words on the page, you know that he finally gets it. What the soldiers were talking about- now he really knows.

Ok, so that was depressing. But it was a good book. I apologize if my sentiments are rather  muddled. I am not up for any real meaningful insights today, or any sort of real eloquence. Perhaps I should just leave it at that then.

Anyway, last night I read Of Mice and Men, which I have never read. Wasn’t crazy about it. Mostly though, that was because after the Hemingway, I wanted to read something uplifting. The only really uplifting stuff I have is Nora Roberts type stuff. Which is why I read these books.

Life is hard, and sometimes, it sucks a lot. I mean, it is awesome a lot too, but sometimes, you just need to escape a little. I love the predictability and dependability of a good romance novel. You know that in the end, love will conquer all. They will be happy and together, and everything will work out. Sometimes, I need a little of that to get through the day. And while I really needed a pick me up last night, I just wasn’t in the mood for Nora.I really should have known better.

This was like the time that Liz and I watched some ridiculously depressing movie (I can’t remember what it was though). We decided to watch something uplifting, and picked Legends of the Fall. Neither of us knew a thing about the movie, other than it starred some hot guy (maybe Brad Pitt?). Any of you who have seen this movie will know what a monumental mistake this was. This movie was like one seriously depressing moment after another.

And so went my reading of Mice and Men. In my defense, I had no idea what it was about. I loved The Grapes of Wrath, which was a depressing book in general, but overall had a beautiful and uplifting ending. How was I to know it would involved murdered puppies and mice and lonely people treating each other badly? Oh well.

I haven’t much hope for the next book I am reading, which is Ethan Frome, by Edith Wharton. But it was there, I was there. I would have read Sons and Lovers, because as we all know, I love me some D.H. Lawrence. But I figured I should expand my horizons and read something by someone I haven’t read before.

Speaking of all these books, lets talk about how much I love my library. I got all of these books at my local library’s Friend to Friend sale for 1-2$. It is awesome.  Hence, I heart the library.

Well, I should be off. In non book related news, Relay for Life is kicking into high gear. I had no idea how involved I was going to get with the planning committees when I joined last September, but I am really loving it. I am getting to know some amazing people, and I am a part of something that is really important to me, an organization and a community that are near to my heart, that inspire me and give me hope. I don’t think I could ask for more!