Tania's Words

here is an empty shell- a resonant shadow- waiting

Archive for resolutions

Reflecting, reliving, relearning.

Well it is a new year again, and here I am again, wondering what the heck happened. You may or may not know (or care) but I have never been a particular fan of New Years, or of resolutions. In fact, New Years Eve found me in bed by 9:45, wishing I’d gone to bed an hour earlier.

Ok, so that was probably 78% baby and 22% Tania, but still. I have never really cared for the whole, new start, ball dropping, counting down fiasco that is New Years Eve. I do enjoy a nice get together, when I have a baby sitter and am not pregnant. Next year…yeah!

Since I am not a fan, it would follow that I have no resolutions, and I don’t.

I’d like to resolve to blog more, but with a baby coming in April, this doesn’t seem realistic.  No new baby this year and I didn’t even do that.

I’d like to resolve to lose weight, but again, that won’t be a possibility until April. And even then, I know I’ll do it. I always do. I may not have lost all 70 Parker pounds, but I lost a good 65 of them…it just took two years 😉

I’d like to be more organized, more scheduled, to conquer the constant struggle that is getting my toddler to eat…but those are daily desires; they don’t change just because one day marks the end of an arbitrary time period and another starts.

And, I’ll be honest, I could go on and on. But I am so hungry, it is hard to concentrate. So I’ll move on. Both to a snack and a new topic.

I once read that Stephanie Meyers got the idea for her Twilight novels from a dream- she dreamt (is that even a word?) of the meadow scene from the first book (I believe). I was a bit irked when I read this, as I’d already had my own amazing vampire dream years before- honest, it was an incredible dream, the kind that stays with you for days and really resonates with you. Unfortunately for me, Stephanie Meyers proved to be more motivated than I. This is why I am freaking out about a $500 plumbing bill and she is probably counting her cashes and laughing.

Good news, kids! I had another dream. And no it was not about vampires. I doubt I would have what it takes to write a good vampire story anyway, and who would want to? Everyone and their mother are jumping on that one already. I’ll stick to what I know…nice middle of the road women’s fiction. Thrill a minute people.

Sorry, self deprecating moment has passed…I think….ok.

Anyway, I had the most amazing dream…in fact my sister woke me from it (Thanks Pilar). I can’t begin to describe it- I think I need to write it first on my own privately, so that I can remember it more clearly.  The really great news is that I believe this is my NaNo story for this year. It’s only January, so I might be jumping the gun, but I’m pretty psyched. I’m not the kind of person who is flooded with novel ideas…I generally only get about one a year, and use NaNo as an excuse to make it happen. Mostly cause I love a deadline, and my husband respects the one month time limit and is very supportive during that time (Well he is anyway, but during NaNo he helps me out with the house and the baby quite a bit so I can get it done).

My only tiny, insignificant little caveat here is the story of what happened to me during NaNo this year. I’d come up with my story in July, and for the entire month I was obsessed with it. I ate, breathed, dreamed that story. But I refused to write it, saving it for November. Of course, by the time November finally rolled around, the fervor had passed. I got it done, but I don’t know that the story is as good or the same as it would have been, had I written it when I was really in it. I don’t want a repeat of that this year, but at the same time, I have to trust that I can do this, and that I need more than the frenzy of sudden inspiration to create. I have a kid, and another on the way. I have a house to care for and my niece (for now) to watch.  I’m not always going to have the luxury of time whenever I want to write.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I need to trust my skill as a writer and know that I can craft a good story, even in the moments when I don’t feel absolutely struck by inspiration. If I can’t, then there isn’t really a point is there? Because editing is so much slower, more precise, and so much less about the initial lighting strike moment in which the story comes out. And this is the skill I am trying to hone and to strengthen; I am great at banging it out during NaNo, not so great at working on it consistently. And all that mumbo jumbo about trusting my skill as a writer…that’s all talk. But I am working on it. Right now I am at the stage where I am still to embarrassed to tell people that I consider myself a writer, or to tell people what my books are about. Not a great way to sell yourself. If I should ever get to the query stage (which I hope to, but that means I have to get back on the editing wagon), I’ll probably want to do it will a little more confidence than….well it’s a story about a girl…it’s dumb really, you won’t like it…

So, at the end of the day, what I’d really like to see from the New Year is this. A little more confidence, a new book in november, and the will to keep editing. And I need to find a crit group. Anyone know how I can do that?

Advertisements

The most surprising “Mom Challenge” I’ve faced? Laundry.

Today has been the most awesome day. Not because anything particularly excellent happened to me.  It didn’t.  Nothing great really happened either. But everything seemed to go just right. For starters, I got to sleep in until 9 am. Oh heaven! That was awesome. Then, I got to go out in the arctic cold (-12 without wind chill) and go to the gym where I had an absolute butt busting workout.  I got home, played with the baby and with Dan for a while, and then- the best part of my day- I finally got a handle on the laundry.

People tell you when you have a baby that all these surprising things are going to happen. You’ll be amazed at how much you love him, you’ll be surprised by how little sleep you can function on, you’ll be amazed at how much you have to say about your child’s poop, etc. One thing I wasn’t expecting was how much laundry I would have to contend with. If you don’t have any kids, you’re probably thinking- come on he’s only a little guy, how much more laundry can he generate? Well I do have a kid, and I am still bamboozled by this.

The truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know how it is that I always seem to be in some sort of semi-panicked state of laundry mayhem. Today for example, there were three baskets of folded, semi-folded, or just heaped up clean laundry. One basket of dirty laundry, and a floor covered in both. The linen closet was piled with dirty towels , and lets not even talk about the basement. It’s not as though Parker really contributes that much more to my laundry piles, but some how, it the laundry has become a never ending cycle of guilt and work.

Thank goodness Dan didn’t have to work until 4pm, and could watch the baby while I girded my loins and tackled the beast. In doing so I managed to psych myself into a full fledged cleaning frenzy.  Which felt good. Who knew the day would come when cleaning and getting laundry done would feel so great?

And why all the hoopla about some stinky clothes? It must be something to do with all this resolution talk floating around the blogosphere (is that a word? If not, can I claim it is?). Before I went to bed last night, I was writing in my journal (amazing, I know) about all the things that I want to get done. I didn’t even get to list the big things like “write a book” or “run a 5k”. This is because the state of utter madness which has prevailed in my house had finally gotten to me.

Weird I know. But now that that madness is over (until Monday that is. Two days with both Dan and I working always leads to the house becoming an absolute disaster zone), I can focus on cooler things I’d like to do. And how to achieve them.

As far as the 5k goes, I took the advice of Roz and other friends and am doing the Couch to 5k Challenge. I started today- part of that great workout I was chattering about.  That is step one. Step two is to find a 5k in my area to join, so that I will be more motivated toward a goal.

And for the rest, I’ll have to ponder them tonight and present my plan at a later date. It is almost eight, the baby is asleep and there is laundry to be folded!